As I sit here enjoying a cup of Highlander Grog and Marty on my lap, I have lots of thoughts. These thoughts are sometimes not the positive, happy thoughts about my situation.
Yesterday, there was a credible bomb threat at my school. It all turned out okay, and all staff and students were safe but they had to evacuate to an alternate site/location.
That alternate site and location especially from where I teach in the building is fairly far away and I would have to go uphill. I had trouble walking the 200 feet in the dentist office on Monday. I am not yet proficient enough in the wheelchair to feel confident about such an evacuation.
All of these facts lead me to question whether teaching is right for me long term. I am very blessed to work in a district with great salary and benefits. I LOVE teaching, the students creating or learning how to play an instrument, but the “extra” is also wearing me down, and I’m not even there right now.
My former High School English teacher, who I know reads my blog, (love ya Ms. George) posted this on my Facebook timeline the other day. In one way or another I have been hustling for over 20 years. I hustled the latter half of high school and into college, where I truly hustled taking up to 21 credits a semester (things they don’t let you do anymore). I’ve been hustling through 18.5 years of teaching. I’m some ways I think my Transverse Myelitis was a sign that I need to take my rest and recovery seriously but it is so very hard for me to get out of the Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger mindset.
I don’t take regular vacations and getaways, mostly because traveling as a single person becomes prohibitively expensive when you are only taking one person for things that are designed for double occupancy or more. I know that rest and recovery doesn’t always mean vacation, but if I’m around the house I always feel as if I should be doing something.
Knitting helps me with that, and with Melissa my sister expecting in September, there is a lot of baby knitting going on. Some things I’ll post here, as she will be aware of them, but others are to be somewhat of a surprise. I’ll do a bigger post in June, since that is when the shower will be.
I suppose it is just so strange for me right now to be away from school. I only taught about a week and a half of the new semester, so effectively due to my illness I’m taking the whole semester off. I know I am privileged to be able to be off this long, and it has forced me to look at what I am committed to and pare back some. I am letting go of performing with the Lima Symphony regularly but keeping Butler. I am thinking of letting go of some other things as well, but the need to be busy is strong.
Anyway, I am out of coffee, so I should end this. More later…