Dealing With Pain

The last few months have been pretty painful, I am not going to lie. In some ways they have been the most painful of my life, due to the nature of the pain. This whole journey started off feeling like my back was being broken in two, pain so bad I had to stop in a parking-lot on the way to school to stop and puke. That pain then continued over the next four days, while my legs gradually lost their feeling and felt like they were on fire.

Then, while I was in the hospital the muscle spasms started, mostly in my legs, but the spasms in my legs caused spasms in my back and vice versa. There is only so much stretching when you can’t feel your muscles one can do.

While I was in the rehab hospital, crazy painful nerve pain, my legs feeling like they are on fire, or 1000 knives making tiny cuts and severe pins and needles but with fire all caused pain.

If you think wheeling a wheelchair is easy, think again. Having one fit for you helps, but it takes time to build the muscle and endurance to use one effectively. After an active day of wheeling I deal with the muscle soreness and pain from forcing one’s muscles to do new activities.

There are many ways to deal with the pain. Building strength and endurance with my arms and core helps, but that is the most normal pain I experience. The muscle spasms are helped sometimes by lying down and stretching out, and sometimes by Zanaflex, a muscle relaxer. The nerve pain is almost impossible to control when it comes without Gabapentin, I can deal mostly with the day to day pins and needles, but when that fire starts, or the pins and needles ramps up to the cuts by 1000 knives I can’t function. On a day like today when both the muscle spasms and the nerve pain hit at the same time, I’m basically sunk. My muscles spasm up to where walking is not good, and the nerve pain means it is so painful.

This playlist is probably going to be my top playlist of the year.

The drugs however, make me sleepy, and just blunt my world for lack of a better description. They do help, otherwise I wouldn’t take them, but I don’t like taking them all the time, as they make me foggy. I do have some techniques that help, laying down and listening to ambient music mostly, but then I feel like I get nothing done. I do not know what is going to happen if I am still getting crazy nerve pain or muscle spasms while at school. I am learning to grit and bear through a bit more, but that isn’t a long term option. Maybe a different drug could help, I can take the Gabapentin up to three times a day, and the Zanaflex up to four. I normally on good days get away with just taking both at night. On a day like today, I am maxing out my prescribed dosages.

That brings me to another topic. Three months from now it is my plan to return to teaching. It is only three months away. That seems like a long time, but I know it will go fast. I do have reservations about being ready. I have reservations about my energy levels, about teaching from a wheelchair, about my pain and about how the students will receive me. I can only hope that my chair, and my car and other things start to fall into place, because time is growing increasingly short.

More Later…

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