A lot of people have said the last year that they admire how I have dealt with the cards I have been given and enjoyed my positive outlook. Well, my outlook isn’t always so positive, and I know that currently I am dealing with a pretty bad depression. This has been going on for a good while, at least a few months.
I just feel like I am not making much progress. I mean yes, I can function in my day to day life with little help, which is huge for what I have been through, but I feel like I should be doing more, somehow progressing more.
Some days it is all I can do to get out of bed, head to my job and get through the day. It exhausts me. Some of that may be related to recovery and condition but some of this is due to my depression symptoms. For example, today, I stayed in bed until about 1:30pm, though I was enjoying the fact that both Marty and Lorraine wanted to cuddle, got up for a bit then went back to bed and woke up about 7pm. I literally spent most of the day in bed. What is hard for me is teasing out what is depression and what is my body needing rest. I suspect today was a bit of both, as the last two weeks at school have been exhausting.
There is no question that to do what I can I require more rest than I did before the Transverse Myelitis. Most school nights I try to be in bed about 8:15, 8:30pm for a 4:45am wakeup. That is increasingly hard this time of year with it being light out later and later. Sometimes I take a nap when I get home from school, but not always.
The good news is I am in treatment for my depression, I am in contact with a psychiatrist, who helps manage my medication, and I am, finally recently in therapy to help talk through and tease out some of what I know is trauma I have been through in the last year, and in my past. I hope that therapy will help and I can work through some of my issues.
I write this post because mental health matters, and even though I feel as if I have no reason to be depressed, I do have depression that much is clear. I am also extremely lucky in that I have the resources I do to get treatment, and hopefully work through this depression. That said, I am going to take my spring break to rest, and hopefully get ready for the last leg of the school year.
More Later…
Bratschetech Baroque 